This past week, I had a few ugly moments. On my way to church, I realized that I forgot to put on make-up and deodorant. We slept in a little bit after Gracelyn's birthday party the day before, so we were rushed and I totally forgot to finish putting myself together. My plan was to let the rest of the family out of the car and I was going to make a quick run to CVS to remedy the problem, but my sweet husband talked me out of it and insisted that I looked beautiful as my natural self (and assured me that I didn't smell). Thankfully, no one told me I looked tired (although I am sure some of you were thinking it)!
I wasn't feeling all that beautiful on the outside, and to be honest, I wasn't feeling too beautiful on the inside either. In the stress of getting ready for the birthday party the day before, I am sure I was not fun to be around. In fact, I realized this to be true when my (still sweet) husband gently asked me to stop being rude to him. It was true, I was being rude and I realized my ugliness.
Some of you are probably saying, "Come on--don't be so hard on yourself!" I used to have this mindset for years, too -- the mindset that lets things like this go and tends to make comments that would just try to make a person feel better about themselves instead of dealing with an issue of the heart. I want to be liked and for people to be happy, too. However, what I needed that day was a gentle reminder.
Here is the truth: before God took a hold of my heart, it was downright ugly. Amazingly, he loved me when I was in that unlovely state, and still sought me out. He is still working in my heart to make it beautiful, but this weekend I had a reminder of what it looked like without him.
Ten years ago, I would have been horrified to go anywhere without make-up. Now, I realize that it's not my outward "ugliness" that should be horrifying to me, it is the state of my prideful and selfish heart. This is how I need to love others, simply because it is how God has loved me:
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
True beauty can be seen in how one loves others. My mom always emphasized inner beauty more than outer beauty, and so I will try to do the same with you. God can turn the ashes into something beautiful, and I am so thankful for that.